About 3 years ago, a boy brought home the cutest, smallest, black and white kitten. She was promptly named Lucky by another boy, Matthew, because she was lucky. She found a home. She found a family to love her. She surely wouldn't have survived on her own.
But Matthew had a wandering heart, much like Lucky. If you have been around for a while, you know that we lost Matthew about a year and a half ago. He was murdered on the streets. No justice. For him. Or those that loved him. Just killed and left in the street.
He was on his way back to us that week, but never got the chance to make it. I was lucky enough to see him one last time, and his smile that day is etched forever in my mind and heart. He really had the biggest and best smile. He had been in prison and told his friends he would return home soon.
Matthew came home to us the first time right after we got him out of prison back in 2012. But the atrocities that he saw and experienced were too much for him sometimes, most times. He would stay and then disappear, only to return some time later. Who knew where he would go. He was terrified of being in cars and preferred to walk everywhere. Somedays we would leave him in the city only to find that he reached home before we would on a taxi or boda. It was one of his many quirks that added to his charm.
How appropriate that the cat he named Lucky had the same heart. She wanders. She comes and goes. Sometimes staying. Sometimes going. I love that little cat so much. She reminds me of him. As long as she is around, he is too. If she makes it, maybe it will make up for all of the ways that we failed him. He loved her, like he did all animals. He would sleep with her every night.
When I was in the US, the boys told me she was gone more than she was around. I was heartbroken. When I got back, I spent 2 days without seeing her, and then she back. She loves hanging out on our roof, so she would stand outside my window meowing until I let her in. She would stay a while, but always go. I would try to lock her in the house, but she always found a way to escape. These past 2 weeks, I hadn't seen her at all. I would call and nothing. The weeks prior, she wouldn't come close. Just stayed on the roof meowing and looking at me only to disappear.
A week ago, she came home. She came when I called and let me carry her and love her again. She was limping, so who knows what trouble she found in her wandering. Her foot is healing and the limp is going, and maybe she will be too. But while she has been here this week, she has been loved well. Hopefully she will choose to stay, but wandering hearts are difficult to tame.
She isn't just like Matthew, she is much like many of the boys. They know home offers safety and love, but wandering hearts aren't easy to tame. She is like me too. I know that Jesus is calling and He offers safety and love, but wandering hearts are difficult to tame.
"So to grace, how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be
And let Thy goodness like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it
Seal it for Thy courts above."
-Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing